It has been a really long time since I've wrote. I looked at the date of my last post, and it was nearly a year ago, right before I got married! I'm now Mrs.Duchi. It's odd to think of myself as a Mrs. I've been married almost a year now and I'm still getting used to the idea.
In my almost 10 months of marriage I've learned a lot, but most of all I've learned that I have so much to learn! I went into marriage with a picture of what I thought it was going to be like and I was pretty far off! I thought that I would run around the house as a cheerful little wifey with my hair all done and cutesy clothes on, and then Drew would walk up to me in the kitchen and wrap me in a hug, and I would smile sweetly up at him and get lost in the moment.... ok so maybe my imagination didn't go that sappy, but still. I thought it would have it's hard moments, but overall the first year would be a wonderful, romantic, amazing time of my life.
People had said to me that the first year is often very hard, and I heard them, but I thought, oh yeah it will be different and maybe a hard adjustment, but Drew and I know what it takes to work as team etc, so we will not struggle too much. It's true that pride comes before a fall! Not to say that Drew and I have only had troubles in marriage, that is not at all the case. Some of the things I imagined and dreamed of are true! Drew and I have a lot of fun together, we are learning to work as a team, and he is becoming my best friend. I love the man very much!
But marriage is not without it's struggles. It's not something you can just dreamily get through, it takes work on not just a daily basis, but on a moment to moment basis. Love is not a feeling, but something to work at. But the beauty of it is, the more you work at it and chose to give love even when you don't feel "in love" the deeper your love for your spouse grows. I'm not going to post everything I've learned about marriage in this post, but I'm going to share my journey along the way.
I know I'm a newlywed and I know many others know much more about marriage than I, but I'm learning and I hope that as I share my journey with you that you will be encourage and learn from my mistakes. Married or not, I hope that somehow, someway I can encourage you along my journey as a wife, and a women striving to follow Christ.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Love covers
I just read Proverbs 10:12 which says; "Hatrid stirs up conflict, but love covers all wrongs." Reading that caused me to start thinking about love covering over something. What does it look like for love to cover something? When I first read that it seemed like it was referring to a cover up, so it would be like not even dealing with the wrong, but just covering it up.
As I thought about it further I came to the conclusion that covering over a wrong doesn't mean not dealing with it, but it means not holding onto it. It ties in with the "love chapter" in 1 Cor. 13 which says that love keeps no record of wrongs. So when someone wrongs you the response should be to not hold it over their head and hang out to it, but to deal with it and let it go.
I know this is really basic stuff, but I think it's worth mentioning because even the most basic stuff can be forgotten in a moment of anger and frustration at a person for how they've wronged you. I know that I constantly forget the basic stuff and so easily lapse into thinking only of myself and how angry I am at whoever wronged me, instead of thinking about how I can respond in love. Thinking about love covering brings me to dwell on love in general.
I think that I am so far from really grasping what love is and how to give and receive love. I read verses like the one in Proverbs and I realize just how unloving I can be at times. I get so consumed in myself and what I want and think I need, and don't often stop to think of the other person and what their needs are and how I can meet them.
I get so swept into the cultures view of love, which is that it is a feeling and that it's all about the romance and being swept away. That's not love at all! True love is not giving up on someone when you want to walk away, it's being patient when they are getting on your nerves, it's giving to them when you don't feel like giving to anyone, it's meeting their needs when you really just want someone to meet yours, love is a sacrifice and a choice.
The cool thing is that the more you choose to love someone is when the feelings often start to come with it! The more you love someone the more your love for them grows and before you know it what used to be frustration is now deep love for that person. Of course there are those people who are always hard to love and it's always a battle, but making the choice to love and prayer go a long way in those situations.
I still have so much to learn about love, but these are just some of my thoughts on it. I'm so glad that God made the choice to love us humans even though we really don't deserve it at all! Thinking about that makes me think, how can I choose not to love someone when God chose to love me? I've been giving a great gift how can I not share it?
As I thought about it further I came to the conclusion that covering over a wrong doesn't mean not dealing with it, but it means not holding onto it. It ties in with the "love chapter" in 1 Cor. 13 which says that love keeps no record of wrongs. So when someone wrongs you the response should be to not hold it over their head and hang out to it, but to deal with it and let it go.
I know this is really basic stuff, but I think it's worth mentioning because even the most basic stuff can be forgotten in a moment of anger and frustration at a person for how they've wronged you. I know that I constantly forget the basic stuff and so easily lapse into thinking only of myself and how angry I am at whoever wronged me, instead of thinking about how I can respond in love. Thinking about love covering brings me to dwell on love in general.
I think that I am so far from really grasping what love is and how to give and receive love. I read verses like the one in Proverbs and I realize just how unloving I can be at times. I get so consumed in myself and what I want and think I need, and don't often stop to think of the other person and what their needs are and how I can meet them.
I get so swept into the cultures view of love, which is that it is a feeling and that it's all about the romance and being swept away. That's not love at all! True love is not giving up on someone when you want to walk away, it's being patient when they are getting on your nerves, it's giving to them when you don't feel like giving to anyone, it's meeting their needs when you really just want someone to meet yours, love is a sacrifice and a choice.
The cool thing is that the more you choose to love someone is when the feelings often start to come with it! The more you love someone the more your love for them grows and before you know it what used to be frustration is now deep love for that person. Of course there are those people who are always hard to love and it's always a battle, but making the choice to love and prayer go a long way in those situations.
I still have so much to learn about love, but these are just some of my thoughts on it. I'm so glad that God made the choice to love us humans even though we really don't deserve it at all! Thinking about that makes me think, how can I choose not to love someone when God chose to love me? I've been giving a great gift how can I not share it?
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Good things
"Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s."
"who satisfies your desires with good things..."
That part of the psalm really stood out to me.
At first I was like, oh so He gives us all our desires, ok, well how come I still don't have what I want?
Then it dawned on me. God doesn't give me what I want necessarily, but what is BEST for me.
He gives me good things.
Often I see good things as those things that I want, when really what is good for me is sometimes exactly the opposite! God knows my heart better than I know my heart and so knows exactly what I need to satisfy my hearts longings. He is my Heavenly Father who knows me inside and out and can meet my needs better than I can meet my own! How amazing it is that He chooses to meet this sinful person right where she is at to lavish so much love and compassion on!
This psalm reminds me that I can rest knowing that my Father is taking care of me. I don't have to run around trying to get my hearts needs met, and trying to find the love I so long for. God has already graciously given that to me, and is daily here ready to meet my deepest needs. He is taking care of me, and won't stop doing so. He gives me good things.
and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s."
"who satisfies your desires with good things..."
That part of the psalm really stood out to me.
At first I was like, oh so He gives us all our desires, ok, well how come I still don't have what I want?
Then it dawned on me. God doesn't give me what I want necessarily, but what is BEST for me.
He gives me good things.
Often I see good things as those things that I want, when really what is good for me is sometimes exactly the opposite! God knows my heart better than I know my heart and so knows exactly what I need to satisfy my hearts longings. He is my Heavenly Father who knows me inside and out and can meet my needs better than I can meet my own! How amazing it is that He chooses to meet this sinful person right where she is at to lavish so much love and compassion on!
This psalm reminds me that I can rest knowing that my Father is taking care of me. I don't have to run around trying to get my hearts needs met, and trying to find the love I so long for. God has already graciously given that to me, and is daily here ready to meet my deepest needs. He is taking care of me, and won't stop doing so. He gives me good things.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Changes
Change. A word that brings feelings of excitement, sadness and fear all at one time. A word that fills my heart with so many emotions that I can barely hold them in. Something my heart desires and yet dreads.
Right now I sit overwhelmed at the amount of change happening in my life. It's all happening so fast and so soon, I didn't know it would be so hard to move into this next chapter of my life. Yet change is here, knocking at the door. I have no choose but to let it in. I can't live my life stuck in the same place unable to change out of fear.
I'm no longer a child. I will be leaving my family and starting a new life for myself a new family. No longer will I have the comfort of coming home to those same faces I've come home to for almost 22 years. To think of that brings tears to my eyes as I think of missing out on the crazy conversations, the fits of laughter, and also the heavy conversations and tears. No longer will I be one of the Millett clan.
It's now that I realize how deeply I love my family and how hard it will be to leave. Yet something beckens. Something sweet and precious to me. A new life, a new family. A chance to build something new from the ground up. A new face to come home to, a new person to share every part of my life with. A new last name that I will carry with me and pass onto my children.
Tears will be shed and my heart will be sad as I leave this old life, but there is hope in starting new. There is excitement in what the future may bring, and joy at the thought of walking side by side with my love as long as we both shall live.
Perhaps change is a door that we all must walk through to live the life we were intended to live. To stay in one place is to miss out on all that life has to offer. I'm ready. I will open that door when the time comes and walk through it with joy and tears.
Right now I sit overwhelmed at the amount of change happening in my life. It's all happening so fast and so soon, I didn't know it would be so hard to move into this next chapter of my life. Yet change is here, knocking at the door. I have no choose but to let it in. I can't live my life stuck in the same place unable to change out of fear.
I'm no longer a child. I will be leaving my family and starting a new life for myself a new family. No longer will I have the comfort of coming home to those same faces I've come home to for almost 22 years. To think of that brings tears to my eyes as I think of missing out on the crazy conversations, the fits of laughter, and also the heavy conversations and tears. No longer will I be one of the Millett clan.
It's now that I realize how deeply I love my family and how hard it will be to leave. Yet something beckens. Something sweet and precious to me. A new life, a new family. A chance to build something new from the ground up. A new face to come home to, a new person to share every part of my life with. A new last name that I will carry with me and pass onto my children.
Tears will be shed and my heart will be sad as I leave this old life, but there is hope in starting new. There is excitement in what the future may bring, and joy at the thought of walking side by side with my love as long as we both shall live.
Perhaps change is a door that we all must walk through to live the life we were intended to live. To stay in one place is to miss out on all that life has to offer. I'm ready. I will open that door when the time comes and walk through it with joy and tears.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Undeserving...
Have you ever been given so much that it just makes you pause and think about how little you deserve it?
To have a stranger help in your time of need, to have someone think the world of you and pour out so much love into your life even though you have failed to love them as they deserve? I don't deserve what I have, not one bit.
To have a stranger help in your time of need, to have someone think the world of you and pour out so much love into your life even though you have failed to love them as they deserve? I don't deserve what I have, not one bit.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Courtship...
COURTSHIP. A word that often brings to mind images of a couple in a suit and dress sitting uncomfortably in the living room on different pieces of furniture awkwardly trying to make conversation with the girls parents. When people hear the word they think that it's so old fashioned, and stiff, and who would ever want to do that?
I admit to thinking similar thoughts on courtship. It does sound so old fashioned and formal, and often way too legalistic... At least from afar. However, upon looking at it from another perspective perhaps it's not so old fashioned and strange. Perhaps even it is an incredibly romantic way to pursue someone.
Dictionary.com defines courtship as, "The wooing of one person by another." Looking at it from that perspective sounds so romantic! Nothing at all as most picture courting right? Well, lets look at what courting is. It varies from couple to couple. Some are more lose with their boundaries within courting and others more legalistic. Basically though it is a committed relationship that looks towards marriage and the couple pursues each other in a very pure, simple and non physical way. In courting there are certain boundaries such as not spending time alone together in secluded places, and avoiding physical contact that is beyond friendly.
Courtship tends to focus more on getting to know the person and building an emotional bond then a physical bond. That seems so foreign in this physical driven society, and so unromantic and unloving. But perhaps it is romantic just in a subtle way. What if you look at it as caring about the other person so much that you want a relationship with them because you love being with them and love them for who they are, not for getting your needs met physically. What if you care about them so much that you want to respect them by protecting them from being taken advantage of physically, and you love them enough to be willing to wait to be physical with them till marriage?
It's a different perspective for sure, because it seems odd to have so many boundaries, and like maybe you don't have the same normal desires to be physical like everyone else does, but really it's because you have so much desire that you want to protect you and the other person from yourself essentially. So really it's a form of loving the person, and if looked at that way is incredibly romantic. It's a slow pursuit of the person, letting the love form and grow over time as you get to know the person for who they are.
I'm not bashing regular relationships by any means by endorsing courtship. I'm just presenting another perspective and also using this as a means to work through my wrestling match with the idea of courtship. I believe there is a lot of good in it and that it should be considered. However, if a couple decides to not go the route of courtship that's fine. God can definitely be in the center of a relationship that's not as structured as courtship. So both can be God honoring, the question is what is God calling you to in regards to relationships? That is something that each person and each couple needs to wrestle with.
I admit to thinking similar thoughts on courtship. It does sound so old fashioned and formal, and often way too legalistic... At least from afar. However, upon looking at it from another perspective perhaps it's not so old fashioned and strange. Perhaps even it is an incredibly romantic way to pursue someone.
Dictionary.com defines courtship as, "The wooing of one person by another." Looking at it from that perspective sounds so romantic! Nothing at all as most picture courting right? Well, lets look at what courting is. It varies from couple to couple. Some are more lose with their boundaries within courting and others more legalistic. Basically though it is a committed relationship that looks towards marriage and the couple pursues each other in a very pure, simple and non physical way. In courting there are certain boundaries such as not spending time alone together in secluded places, and avoiding physical contact that is beyond friendly.
Courtship tends to focus more on getting to know the person and building an emotional bond then a physical bond. That seems so foreign in this physical driven society, and so unromantic and unloving. But perhaps it is romantic just in a subtle way. What if you look at it as caring about the other person so much that you want a relationship with them because you love being with them and love them for who they are, not for getting your needs met physically. What if you care about them so much that you want to respect them by protecting them from being taken advantage of physically, and you love them enough to be willing to wait to be physical with them till marriage?
It's a different perspective for sure, because it seems odd to have so many boundaries, and like maybe you don't have the same normal desires to be physical like everyone else does, but really it's because you have so much desire that you want to protect you and the other person from yourself essentially. So really it's a form of loving the person, and if looked at that way is incredibly romantic. It's a slow pursuit of the person, letting the love form and grow over time as you get to know the person for who they are.
I'm not bashing regular relationships by any means by endorsing courtship. I'm just presenting another perspective and also using this as a means to work through my wrestling match with the idea of courtship. I believe there is a lot of good in it and that it should be considered. However, if a couple decides to not go the route of courtship that's fine. God can definitely be in the center of a relationship that's not as structured as courtship. So both can be God honoring, the question is what is God calling you to in regards to relationships? That is something that each person and each couple needs to wrestle with.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
3 months ago I would not have expected this...
It's crazy how life takes you on so many twists and turns. (Or maybe it's God who takes you more then life itself) A few months ago I would never have seen myself where I am today. I never would have thought that I would have a job that I love, and that fits me perfectly. I never would have thought that an incredible man would come into my life and begin to pursue me. I would never have thought that I would have my own car and be looking to move out in a few months. I would never have thought that I would be finishing up my AA in the fall and then taking a year off of school. All those things required trust, and once I gave that trust to God He provided in crazy ways!
My job required that I trust that God would provide me a job. Once I got to that point of putting it in God's hands the very next day God provided someone calling to set up an interview and then a day later I had a job! Having an incredible man coming into my life required that I trust God to either provide someone incredible or help me to be content with singleness. The moment when I surrendered the desire to have a man to God and actually was content in my singleness was right around the time when God provided an incredible man who is constantly showing me a clearer picture of the amazing love God has for me.
Getting my car required me telling God and others that I had that need and then God provided a great car at a great price! The biggest lesson in trust out of all these (besides learning to better trust Drew as we grow closer, and get closer to pursuing courtship) is taking a break from school. I so badly wanted to go go go until I finished this all up. I had a timeline and a specific plan for how I wanted things to look with schooling and God showed me that I need to let go of that plan. So within a few months I will be entering into a time of rest and waiting. It will be good, but hard for someone like me who wants to be in control constantly!
So basically, the reason I'm where I'm at today is because I'm learning to trust God, and He is showing me through this that He does provide. He is SO faithful in so many ways, and will ALWAYS come through no matter what! It may not be in the way I would like or expect, but it is the best way, and in His perfect timing. God knows best. He loves me and you so deeply. If we would only trust Him more He would show us the wonderful things He has in store for us!
My job required that I trust that God would provide me a job. Once I got to that point of putting it in God's hands the very next day God provided someone calling to set up an interview and then a day later I had a job! Having an incredible man coming into my life required that I trust God to either provide someone incredible or help me to be content with singleness. The moment when I surrendered the desire to have a man to God and actually was content in my singleness was right around the time when God provided an incredible man who is constantly showing me a clearer picture of the amazing love God has for me.
Getting my car required me telling God and others that I had that need and then God provided a great car at a great price! The biggest lesson in trust out of all these (besides learning to better trust Drew as we grow closer, and get closer to pursuing courtship) is taking a break from school. I so badly wanted to go go go until I finished this all up. I had a timeline and a specific plan for how I wanted things to look with schooling and God showed me that I need to let go of that plan. So within a few months I will be entering into a time of rest and waiting. It will be good, but hard for someone like me who wants to be in control constantly!
So basically, the reason I'm where I'm at today is because I'm learning to trust God, and He is showing me through this that He does provide. He is SO faithful in so many ways, and will ALWAYS come through no matter what! It may not be in the way I would like or expect, but it is the best way, and in His perfect timing. God knows best. He loves me and you so deeply. If we would only trust Him more He would show us the wonderful things He has in store for us!
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