Monday, May 21, 2012

Courtship...

 COURTSHIP. A word that often brings to mind images of a couple in a suit and dress sitting uncomfortably in the living room on different pieces of furniture awkwardly trying to make conversation with the girls parents. When people hear the word they think that it's so old fashioned, and stiff, and who would ever want to do that?
 I admit to thinking similar thoughts on courtship. It does sound so old fashioned and formal, and often way too legalistic... At least from afar. However, upon looking at it from another perspective perhaps it's not so old fashioned and strange. Perhaps even it is an incredibly romantic way to pursue someone.
  Dictionary.com defines courtship as, "The wooing of one person by another." Looking at it from that perspective sounds so romantic! Nothing at all as most picture courting right? Well, lets look at what courting is. It varies from couple to couple. Some are more lose with their boundaries within courting and others more legalistic. Basically though it is a committed relationship that looks towards marriage and the couple pursues each other in a very pure, simple and non physical way. In courting there are certain boundaries such as not spending time alone together in secluded places, and avoiding physical contact that is beyond friendly.
  Courtship tends to focus more on getting to know the person and building an emotional bond then a physical bond. That seems so foreign in this physical driven society, and so unromantic and unloving. But perhaps it is romantic just in a subtle way. What if you look at it as caring about the other person so much that you want a relationship with them because you love being with them and love them for who they are, not for getting your needs met physically. What if you care about them so much that you want to respect them by protecting them from being taken advantage of physically, and you love them enough to be willing to wait to be physical with them till marriage?
  It's a different perspective for sure, because it seems odd to have so many boundaries, and like maybe you don't have the same normal desires to be physical like everyone else does, but really it's because you have so much desire that you want to protect you and the other person from yourself essentially. So really it's a form of loving the person, and if looked at that way is incredibly romantic. It's a slow pursuit of the person, letting the love form and grow over time as you get to know the person for who they are.
  I'm not bashing regular relationships by any means by endorsing courtship. I'm just presenting another perspective and also using this as a means to work through my wrestling match with the idea of courtship. I believe there is a lot of good in it and that it should be considered. However, if a couple decides to not go the route of courtship that's fine. God can definitely be in the center of a relationship that's not as structured as courtship. So both can be God honoring, the question is what is God calling you to in regards to relationships? That is something that each person and each couple needs to wrestle with.

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