I've been realizing how much I live my life in fear. Something is out of my comfort zone or a big step to take and instead of taking it I run in fear. I do that mainly with relationships. I fear getting close to people and letting them see the real me. I fear letting people into the deep places of my heart where they can see my joy and sorrow, the things that make me hurt and the things that bring healing to my soul. I fear letting people see that for fear that they will leave out of disgust for what they see.
I especially want to run in fear when I start to really care for someone, but fear that they will reject me if I really open up my heart to loving them and letting them love me. When someone starts to pursue me I want to run in fear, because I'm afraid the pursuit will only end in another broken heart. I don't want to open myself up and put myself out there to let people see the real me, I don't want to be forward with people and iniate getting to know them. What if they reject me? Sometimes I just want to run away in fear, but I'm learning to face the fear. The only way to truly experience love is to have a heart that can receive love. Running away will never create such a heart in me. It's time to stop running and face my biggest fear.
I think there has to be hope, of course, but also a reasonable expectancy that love is common as well as rare. There are so many loves common to humans and we want to set them aside for "the one" or other. I am glad that you are experiencing love, and I hope that you will remain eager to receive with open hands the love daily given.
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