Lonliness

  Some days it overwhelms me like a flood, that feeling of emptiness coupled with hopelessness. It's what many call loneliness. Feeling like it's just you against the world, trying to face another day with none to cheer you on. When it sets in depression soon follows, and doesn't easily leave. It's like a whirlpool pulling you deeper in with each moment that passes by living in that state. How does one get out of it when they can't seem to figure out how to swim? The only way to be saved is to have someone else rescue them, someone else has to reach out their hand and you have to grab on. The cure for loneliness is companionship. It's not something to be fixed on your own, not something to just overcome. We need each other, we can't do this thing called life alone, and yet oh how we are expected to. Maturity means indepence in our society. If someone can't "succeed" in life alone then they are considered to be weak and needy. There is so much pressure to be ok with being alone, to be a "strong" person who needs no others, to be self sufficient. Well, at the risk of sounding weak, I'm going to admit something- I get really lonely, and I need people. I can't do this thing called life alone. There I said it. The truth is out, and I'm not taking it back. While we are here in this honest place, I'm also gonna admit that I don't want to be single the rest of my life and I'm ok with not being ok with it. I'm ok with wanting to have someone to walk through life with me, someone who will show me what love is and I will show them. I think that would be a wonderful gift. Those are my honest desires and I'm not ashamed of them, I'm not gonna pretend to be a self sufficient women who needs no one, and especially needs no man, because I'm not. Yes, I can do many things on my own, but living life alone is not one of the things I want to do on my own. This is not a cry for some man to come and sweep me off my feet (though I admit my heart does desire that at times) this is me being real about my thoughts and feelings and admitting that I'm frightfully lonely right now. I'm willing to wait on God's timing, because His timing is perfect. Just right now it's hard to be alone. There you have it, my honest thoughts and feelings.

His ways are best

   I think I've realized that I don't often take a step back from what my plans are and seek God's. I so often run so fast in the direction I want to go and barely slow down enough to see what's really best for me. I think that is especially true when it comes to my education. I've chosen one school that I want to go to and have not really been willing to consider others. I think it's time to take a step back and see what God has for me.
  Even though it's hard to grasp I know that His plans for me really are far greater than my plans for myself. He knows not just what will happen today but what will happen 10 years from now! Who am I who lives only in the present and know so little to think that I know what's best for myself? It's time to humble myself and be willing to let go of my plans.
  "For my thoughts are not your thoughts nor are your ways my ways declares the Lord, for as the heavens are higher then the earth so are my thoughts higher then your thoughts and my ways then your ways." Isaiah 55:8-9.